Something to write about

Send Alex off today and after that drove some friends back home and found myself drving back to the laboratory to conduct a few more experiments.

Wasted 5 plates of results because of mis-synthesized oligonucleotide by the company so have to repeat all the experiments done in the past 2 weeks. What a waste of time and resources. Did feel very upset but then again, turning it and asking God, and then turning it back again and thanking God, perhaps it is just a desire to trust God that makes the difference.

It is indeed a waste of time and effort but then again, I do not want to ignore providence of God. Thank God I could just pray to Him and thank Him even things did not turn the way I wanted to.

Now to try and recover lost time. I learnt wisdom through this "ordeal." More haste less speed. Haha, old saying.

This constant work stress is really sometimes hard to bear. Often it makes me struggle between preparing the bible well and doing my work sufficiently.

It requires me to make sacrifice of time which to me is indeed a premium. I lack time. As such, I try to expand time by working really late into the night on some weekdays and using the time "earned" to prepare for the bible studies.

Somehow, the failure of the experiment is God's reminder to me, He is ultimately reigning. No matter how "smart" I may try to gain time, it is still in His hands, His providence. Learning to trust God is an act of acknowledging God's love for His children.

And He taught there isn't a sacrifice for the bible studies. And one preacher once say, you can't expect miracles without first being diligent in the study of God's word. Because life changing truth comes from God's word. You can help by just being diligent. My desire is life be changed hence I can't substitute dligence for prayer. Haha. My one desire is that people will learn to love God more and more.

Hence it is also always a stark reminder that the preparation of the heart belong to God. This verse from one of Psalm (I think it is Psalm 9 - not checking here) was a verse that God spoke to me while I was in Ipoh, during the Chinese Retreat. During the retreat, I keep recollecting countless events that has happened in the past year, and I realise a lot of things that have happened the whole of last year was really God's intricate "tweaking" of my motives and intents towards people and towards decisions I make. I realise how important my mind (and so my heart) is towards God. And when I hit this verse during one morning devotion, a lot of things that seemingly turned bad started to make sense to me. And I remember thanking God tremendously.

And so here tonight in the laboratory. Yes it is late. The results are not forthcoming. I look at my circumstances, nothing really to cheer about. There are a few unfulfil desires. Yet, developing a heart of adoring my God helps me to trust Him.

The hallmark of enduring faith is really to develop a christian Character that is unyielding to circumstances. John Piper says this before in the Blazing Centre, "Even with tears welling down your cheeks, you will say, I do not know what is happening, but I trust God that He meant it for good, that glorifies God." When I first heard it, I do not quite understand how. Until I realise this one very important thing, the Glory of God is all that God is. To acknowledge all that God is, which in this case, His perfect wisdom, is to agree He is perfect. The heart that is at peace with God is a joyful heart.

I thank God that He is shaping a vital Christian character in this earthen vessel. Claypots in the hands of the potter.

Thank you, my Lord :)