Handshake

Listening to the new song that I have composed, somehow, it led me to think of the feeling of having a handshake with God. The warmth, the affirmation, the gladness, the uplifting of the soul towards God.

This year has been difficult hence the longing for God to use His Word to speak with His still small voice. His Word is ever refreshing, ever restoring. It is a complete renewal to the weary soul.

Tomorrow would be going up to Palm Springs, Johor for prayer kickoff. I dunno what is installed next year. But prayer always move the hand of God. Thinking of a handshake, thinking that God would always approve His children pleading with Him for His blessing, will draw a hand to come down from heaven, to see His handshake of approval.

The best part about prayer is not in so much of the answer, but as in so much the trust and dependence of God who has no lack. That glorifies our God.

The more you pray, the more you acknowledge the abundance and the wisdom of God.

That gladness that brings to the heart even in the most terrible of days. Coz when everything around is collapsing, you will still lift your hand to pray. What glory it brings to the Father.

My heart is weary so much from the many struggles of life. Yet in amazement of who God is, I believe God has installed great things. He has plans to prosper, He has plans that our heart must be drawn to Himself. The greatest commandment is to love God with all thy heart, mind, soul and strength. John Piper words still ring clearly. God is most glorified when you are most satisfied in Him.

This is my only new year resolution, my only prayer. To be satisfied in God alone who alone can only satisfy.

What more with an answered prayer.

Gloria sola gratia.

Amen.

Exams

Just want to thank God again and again.

Got back my grades. And I cleared my modules. The grades were good enough for Masters. Masters require a B average. Achieved my target.

Amazingly, passed my statistics. I never liked Maths. The last time I did in my undergraduate days, almost got killed. Almost. This time round, it is slightly better. Haha. What a relief.

Another hurdle cleared. And the year will come to a close soon.

Praying ahead for the new year with thanksgiving in the heart.

Praise God.

God's faithfulness

Would like to pen a few words in what happened today.

God is so good.

I send Alicia and her sis, Patricia to Muar today.
Before we set off, we prayed for God's provision and protection.

Along the North South highway, my tyre punctured big time.
2 miracles happened.

A guy signal to us our tyre is punctured which was so uncalled for. But he did.
We pulled over and saw the punctured tyre.

A highway patrol stop over at the exact same time we pulled over our vehicle and offered to replace our tyre. All done in 10 minutes.

We didn't know what to do with a punctured tyre and everything happened at the exact moment for the greatest coincidence of events.

Who orchestrate this provision? God!!!

Amazing.

The trip concluded with a nice feast of Otah from Muar. And we make back Singapore safely.

Just want to say thank God.

And the musical performance ended today wonderfully. Many profession of faith too. Praise God.

Glory to God. Amen!!!

The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus

Interesting book title.

That got me reading the book some 5 years ago.

That got me again interested when I saw the video-book released a few months.

Now I am watching and it is not that interesting. What I mean is the presentation style but nevertheless what is really exciting is the main, thematic message of the bible is clearly presented and with pictures and illustrations.

Hence it carried the message so well.

Glad to be watching and still is. This video book is great. We often question what does the bible really wants to tell us? What is the recurring theme? Where are the passages that tell us that?

When I first read the book 5 years ago, I learnt the central theme of the bible. Till today I am glad I did coz it allowed me to see the bible as what it wants to tell every believer.

And so it helped when I read the bible nowadays.

Good book for anyone to read who wants to learn more about God and His word. A treasure, a friend of the bible, this book is.

Read it. Or watch it!

Christmas Musical

Just finished the 3rd performance.

Deadbeat and tiring. Seems an endless endeavour.

Yet joyful.

Work in the office still have loads to finish.
So distracted at times.
And troubled also.
But glad that many people could come and watch this season of Christmas.
Praying that God will bring in a plenteous harvest.

Year is ending so fast. And seems like time is so short. The verse that says "redeem the time for the days are evil" seems so urgent. Given the decadence of society advancing rapidly, it makes the gospel more appealing for those seeking peace in a world of turmoil.

God grant strength. God grant power. And You alone be glorified in the salvation of sinners.

Keep all humble. Keep all with clean hearts and clean hands.

Thank you LORD.

God in Difficult Moments

16 But Ruth said:
“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
17 Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The LORD do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me.” Ruth 1:16-17

The life of Ruth is one of tragedy laden. His mother-in-law, Naomi had lost her husband and both her two sons. Ruth has become a widow. Now they are returning from Moab to Israel due to famine in the land. Orpah, Naomi's other daughter-in-law decided that enough is enough and left. Ruth stayed and said those words in Ruth 1:16-17.

Ruth was a woman of loyalty. But more so a woman of faith. The circumstances doesn't make sense to sensibility. Rather it promises hardship ahead. Naomi wanted Ruth to leave. She could no longer protect and provide for Ruth. She has no sons to marry her, no food to feed her. She was a woman of destitute. Ruth chose to remain with her. Verse 16 told us that Ruth is a believer of Jehovah God. She said that Yahaweh is her God. Verse 17 told us about her unyielding loyalty to Naomi.

She is a woman of faith and committment. The difficult times did not deter her neither did it defer her. God is her God. Naomi is her mother-in-law.

I see this text as a woman of faith in God demonstrating the character of God in her treatment of Naomi. Naomi is certainly a helpless woman. Ruth too. But she chose to be with Naomi, her mother-in-law to be her comfort. God honoured Ruth eventually. Ruth remarried to Boaz later in the book of Ruth and became the great great x a few times grandmother of Jesus Christ.

The musical is nearing and begins this Sat. A lot of unfortunate events happened yesterday. Uncle Ivan had to make painful decisions. I admired his courage and see reasons for him to doing so. Spoke to him for a while. One of the cast was changed last minute. A main cast. Thankfully, a willing and joyful replacement came along. However only a week remained.

The songs I wrote were also reviewed and many suggestions were given to let the lyrics fall more in line with the script. The changes were a lot. Initially I didn't feel good. Knew it was pride. But thankfully, with much prayer, God did direct my thinking towards Him and His message and I realise this musical is His not mine. All things for Him. No flesh shall glory in His presence I was reminded. So I thank God for every change. Every change for a better Christmas message of Christ. Thank God for this valuable lesson.

Another one is more personal. My car collide with Pastor's car. Just a minor contact but still, cause abrasions on his bumper. My car was dented. Pastor was forgiving. Very forgiving. My back bumper was also scratched when I hit the kerb after abrasing Pastor's car. No time to think about repairs. Heartache but not necessary.

Seeing all these things happening in one day is so disheartening. But these are not great tragedies of life. God is good no matter what I am reminded. I am reminded of Ruth 1:16-17 this morning as I pondered God's truth. I asked myself a few questions. Is God a cosmic killjoy? Does God thwart and go against us? The answer is a resounding No. If it is No, it must be Yes.

Ruth chose God still in difficult times. Great hardship still she chose God to be her God. She is afterall a Moabite. She chose to enter the land of Israel with Naomi. Acts 14:22 says, "strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” These words come from persecuted Christians in the book of Acts. They like Ruth, chose God and so chose tribulations for a promise of salvation. A promise with God and so they chose to be for God. And I know God is for us. The events have unfolded is very discouraging. But God definitely has a good purpose. Perhaps it is a timely and purging reminder that we must go on our knees to plead more. Perhaps it is to say that "No flesh shall glory in His presence." God is showing Himself strong that this musical is His. He desires fighting the battle for us to reveal He is fighting for us.

I am not quite sure and convinced why things have happened. But I know I must choose to trust Him. He is trustworthy. God has not failed me before. Trying moments again. God will not change His character. So if He is a faithful God. He will remain faithful.

Again a Romans 8:28 moment. A truth of God.

Praying for God. Looking for God in His answers.

May His glory gives me joy this Christmas again!

Thank God.

A good will come out eventually. It will.

A Song of You

Penned these words, yesterday evening. A song of my God.
His word are ever renewing in strength, His Word are ever restoring in faith.
The musical has so much to be done, yet looking at His Word, I am re-assured, He will surely lead us through!

Glory to God!

"Morning anew, Your mercies so sure
In Your Word, I found You real
By faith all things are possible
In You are unsearchable delight
Leading through water so clear so crisp
Planted in Your promises so dear
they are to all weary souls
In times of need with cries to you

Chorus
When my soul shall sing a song of You,
My joy shall be upon the rock of Christ,
May all the honor and praise be to You,
Whose faithfulness never cease

His banner always be held on high
The truth that shall set us free
Abide in Him, Draw near to Him
Abounding Grace His Word so true

What a friend we have found in Jesus
Who sleeps neither day and night
Who watches over us always beside
As a shepherd who knows His lambs
With love holding us so tenderly
By His bosom we are in,
By His arms He shall shield us
Everlasting to everlasting more"

Affirmation

Affirming the goodness of God in bad times.
Affirming the faithfulness of God in trying times.
Affirming the will of God in difficult times.
Affirming the power of God in times of weakness.
Affirming the glory of God in confusing times.
Affirming the sovereignty of God in unexplained times.

Affirming the heart in knowing God. Affirming the reality of God.

Come and taste. Come and see that the LORD is good all the times.

Be glad weary soul. God is revealing more of Himself. If thy eyes have seen the Lord, the heart that once hear now sees.

Trust God, He parts the heart to be one of AFFIRMATION.

AFFIRMED in Him in all things. And all things will you see God.

God does this wonderfully and perfectly.

Preparation of the heart

"LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble;You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear," Psalm 10:17

But as it is written: “ Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,Nor have entered into the heart of man. The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

"For a multitude of the people, many from Ephraim, Manasseh, Issachar, and Zebulun, had not cleansed themselves, yet they ate the Passover contrary to what was written. But Hezekiah prayed for them, saying, “May the good LORD provide atonement for everyone who prepares his heart to seek God, the LORD God of his fathers, though he is not cleansed according to the purification of the sanctuary.” 2 Chronicles 30:18-19

Finally found time to write down some thoughts about the Ipoh retreat and things that has happened.

It is pretty late now at night, and I am not too sure I can grasp my thoughts well. In a nutshell, I hope to summarize the events that has unfolded this year.

This year has been a trying year. Somehow, I think the most convicting work that God has done this year is the preparation of the heart belongs to God.

It has been a refining year. Somehow I have neglected my thoughtlife. This year however, a lot of deep impressions were formed. The nurture and mature of God's in the heart of a believer is such a necessary work and such a painful one. Jesus said out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and He said in His opening sermon of His Ministry in the Beautitudes, "Blessed are those who are pure in heart, for they shall see God."


There are many painful struggles that I went through. Especially in work and relationships. I do ask God why such trials of this nature.

Now it is the end of the year, I realise something so important about purging. To purge means to squeeze out. And I realise that only painful and insurmountable stress, presses a person to think, to examine, to map out his heart towards God. A lot of resentful attitude were exposed. A lot of misguided trust was exposed. A lot of presumed grace was exposed.

And I realised how important it is to sanctify your heart. And I realised this sanctification is not wholy a work of man but God. It is so painful yet powerful.

When God initiates the construction, He initiates, completes and perfects it.

There are thought processes, motivation, intentions and purity of thinking which I thought were not important. There were atitudes of genuine love vs hypocritical love that I didn't realise. There are pretences of spirituality that I didn't know but now adhore and still is struggling with.

But God is in the business of preparing the heart. I realise that God doesn't approve of any work done with wrong attitudes.

It doesn't matter how much you are doing for Him. It matters how much you love Him.

And the wonderful thing I realise, God is in the business of refining this impure heart.

I wonder why the purging when it started. Now I can see why.

The bleeding heart is a tender heart.
The crying heart is a humble heart.
The needy heart is a praying heart.

How would I have such a heart unless God allows these circumstances to befall.

I hope this is not the end. Seems strange why I ask that.

Because the work God has began, it is foolish for me to think that He should end it.
If it is for God's glory, I realise that I can take joy in all tribulations. I dun like the feeling. But I see the promise encouraging. James said the same. Take joy in all tributations...

As I write this, I write with a grateful heart.

I want to say Thank You Lord.

For those who are experiencing God, look at the circumstances and look within your heart. See whether God is working to turn a heart of stone to flesh. We need that. How desperate we need that.

And thank God. God is in the business of preparing the heart.

Blessed again are the pure in heart for they shall see God.

A heart scupltured for the purpose of seeing God. And only God can and will do that.

Thank you Lord :)

But in a nutshell again. The purpose of the preparation of the heart as in verses said above.

Drawing near to God can only be achieved with a pure heart. Drawing near God begins with God. A heart for God.

Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you.

Yet this heart must be prepared by God.

Days growing as a Christians means a greater wonder in how God does His work in the lives of His children.

Wonder on...

God produces this wonder and is the object of your wonder...

Retreat Pics - Cameron Highlands

Beautiful God. Beautiful creation :)






Hill top views, tea plantation and rose moutain

Sunflower against the wind


Lao Wang Chicken and Tao Gay - Delicious

Nobody Loves Me

Thought I would write down many things today after my EXAMs are finally over.

Thank God for that. Thank God for many brethrens who prayed. Thank God for guiding through others who also finished their exams.

The funny thing is, once you have free time on your hands (in a sense), you wouldn't want to write more. Perhaps. But I am getting a bit nostalgic. Many things want to pen down but maybe not tonight.

Today was in church, hearing the arranged song, "Nobody Loves Me" for the Christmas Musical. This song is a bit strange. In what way?

When I first wrote this song, the melody was a bit similar to another song I wrote for the musical. So on the whole, the feedback wasn't ideal. The other comment being, it wasn't sad enough. This song I am writing is for a very sad scene.

Weeks went without breakthrough. One day in church, while comtemplating whether we should go ahead with the original tune. We had arranged the music then already. I told my friend, I do have a very very sad tune. I held this tune back because it is really a very very sad tune.

Wrote this song because of unrequited love. Haha. Never finished this song. Half-done. Mid-way writing this song, I thought, forget it. Why live in the past? I kept the melody, I kept some of the lyrics. It is an unfinished song.

I decided to modify a bit of the parts to suit the Christmas Musical song needed. Today it is done up. Finally arranged.

When I heard it, tears well in my heart. I didn't cry in front of my fellow friends. They didn't know the story behind this song.

I dunno. Somehow hearing this song, every sad thoughts and emotions welled back.

I am in the midst of writing a song. The melody was concieved last week during my retreat in Gopeng, near Ipoh with the Chinese brethren.

It is a lively song, a heart warming tune.

Lives are full of emotions. And thoughts. It drives a person to remember.

Every strong wave or moving of emotions etched the deepest memories.

And so is "nobody loves me."

This song has come of age. I hope so have I.

Thank God that the melody has come to be useful and well-received.

写下, 记下,最后的坚持,最后的情歌.<<常常>>

Many thoughts, many emotions this week. No time to pen complete everything.

After tuesday, will pen down.

Like the wind that blows, the eyes that is closed know where the wind is going.

Listen.

Feel.

Know.

A song to remember. A song to treasure.

Alas!
At last.

Heartstrings

Reading one sister's posting on campus blog really struck a chord in the heartstring of God's nuture and maturation of a person's faith and trust in God.

The anguish and the longing. The reality of the Christian's priorities sunk deep and ectched deeper.

We talked much about Christianity. But when you read and hear testimony of strength and trust. When you read and hear testimony of changed and resolved perspective in a Christian, you know God is real in their life and you are encouraged to smile at God and thank Him evermore. You see God.

Just several weeks back, I heard a testimony of another friend. Describing the family situation was heartwrenching. The last remark made was, "Just trust God." When the circumstances seem seemingly impossible to trust God, these three words were made, "Just trust God." Amazing.

Suffering.
Love.
God.

Pondering on this three descriptions. Pondering the things God taught in the years of trials and difficulties of life. I had witnessed death. I had witnessed eternal seperation. Both impersonal and personal.

Life anguish is more overwhelming than words can describe.

For every heartstring in God's heavenly harps, He strikes it to mean melody for eternal purposes. Each string shall never break and when all the pieces come together, it will be heavenly music, when the believer says, "In God I trust."

I have seen God's hand before. In the most trying of circumstances.

Hearing this sister's post on campus blog.

It has been one of the most encouraging, heartfelt sharing of someone. God endears His chidren. I saw His love in Her.

Thankful that God works in ways that breaks every reasoning. The heart can only leap to praise and say to God, You knows all things work for good to those who love You...

The LORD is good.

And that makes resting in God seems all the more inviting when the struggles of life grows.

Delight.

Encounters

Staying up late at night is turning out to be a forte.

Next week I won't be in Singapore, going to be away. Driving and hitting the roads of Malaysia is thrilling. Long, straight, winding roads...Feels great to be on the highway, the sense of freedom.

Today has been fruitful. Finished one exam paper and had a good time of campus gathering. Shuai was among us. Very glad to catch up with her again after one good year. Encouraged by them. Tremendously. Having exams the very next day, but still choosing to come for small group.

God is good. Again and Again.

Today shared a verse with campus. It is taken from Jeremiah 15:16, "Your words were found, and I ate them, And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;
For I am called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts."

The book Jeremiah has taken me months to complete studying. And still ongoing. But it is proving to be delightful. Thank God that this verse could share. In Psalm 19:10, the word is called to be sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. This is a delightful declaration. It is not a mere statement. It is a declaration.

Jeremiah is often called the weeping prophet. Rightly so.

But He found comfort at the right place. I love the ending of Jeremiah 15:16. It says simply, "For I am called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts."

God in the parable of the Prodigal Son is the Loving Father waiting for his returning son. The embrace of reconciliation really explode for us the imense love of God, the Father. There has never a too far a distance, the son had been that the father hadn't been waiting.

There hasn't been a more wept person that the Lord cannot comfort. Jeremiah found it in God. The word is God. He found God and sweet is the delight.

Weary souls are in need of God. Weary hearts are in need of God. Walk through His word and see Him walking you through.

Have you talked to God?

This has been a most blessed day! 4.13am, Singapore time.

Good night, no Good morning.

Can't wait for Mon.

Blessed Redeemer, Jesus is mine. O What a glorious foretaste divine.

Teaching

Tomorrow would be my final paper for developmental biology.

Taking a short break here while having 3 more chapters staring right in my face. 2 and a half to be exact.

Taking a break and writing blog. Hmm. Guess I would be writing with stress at the back of my mind. But must take a break.

The molecular pathways are killing the brain cells.

Studying how life develops from egg to larvae...wah. Easier just to appreciate life.
The mechanisms are CRAZY!!!

Likely with aging. You just want things simple. Approach life simply. Did share with a friend last night while driving back from CM meeting that I have decided and firmed up my mind, if God willing, after 2 years of my bond, I would like a changed environment. What that means I am not sure.

I hope to teach. Unlikley MOE, likely Poly. Alternative, take up an offer to do research in US which I do have an offer at present but not inclined to go.

Hoping to settle somethings before I decide whether I should go.

Yet in all things, man can only purposed in his heart, but God orders his steps. My desires may change. But I believed this, God also shaped desires.

My present circumstances are brought about by developing events. I am tired in doing some things over and over again.

God has placed a dim view of certain clutches I hang on. Pointness and mindless. Even I shared with working adults, only a few could understand. Most couldn't. Many are just starting their jobs so they won't understand this.

We tend to have ideals. But ideals dun build a person.

Over time, when tested, it fades.

Hard for me to say. Life again I say, must be experienced.

Looking over the horizon at 31, I know once again, there is hurdles to climb and things to ponder over.

Life is simple. I begin to approach life that way. This simplicity needs training. Had 7 years of working experience behind me. Ha.

Learnt much. Like American Express Card, experience can't be transferred.

A friend once told me. Life is short. Life is very short. Everyday, now, I realised it is shorter. Rather than asking, God what would have me to do, I have prayed and making plans to know what to do for the Lord. There are things in my mind, desires slowly getting stronger. Meanwhile it is waiting on the LORD. And I believe it need not be passive, faith demands offensive...I mean action.

Maybe I should fly to US this Mar again to attend the Shepherd's Conference. Got an invitation brochure. Hmm, should I?

Time to go back to ..let's see..Mesoderm Formation...what's that..haha...

Back to studying..

Pitstop

When the darkness will not lift. Great book by John Piper. Great and short book.

Exerpt here,

"God changes not because thou changest. Nay, He has an especial tenderness of love towards thee for that htou art in the dark and hast no light, and His heart is glad when thou dost arise and say, "I will go to my Father." ... Fold the arms of thy faith, and wait in the quitness until light goes up in thy darkness. Fold the arms of thy Faith I say, but not of thy Action: bethink thee of something that thou oughtest to do, and go to do it, if it be but the sweeping of a room, or the preparation of a meal, or a visit to a friend. Heed not thy feelings: Do thy work."

Great sharing. While the darkness will not lift, yet I will go about doing my Father's work. Self-absorption in self-darkness will never lift your joy. Joy is a gift.

Read in the same book, the life of William Cowper. In summary. Not much. But He lived sadly and died sadly. Admist all that, he had a pastor who loved him, none other than the song writer, "Amazing Grace." William Cowper wrote a great song himeself, "God moves in mysterious ways." Wonder how he could write a wonder masterpiece himself. William Cowper is mentally ill, made 3 suicide attempts. A poet. And he could reconcile doctrine in that wonderful song. But died, a miserable man. He also wrote a song called, "A fountain filled with Blood"

I believed what the author said. God allowed people to die in the midst of their dead season. William Cowper never led a nation to triumph, did no great missions, speaks no great sermon but wrote of the hope and his faith in God.

He knew deliverance will come, it will finally come. Hence these words. And to all readers of his poetic songs, it brings encouragment.

I see William Cowper in the hallway of faith. He died miserable. But He died to rest in His Savior.

I think it foolishnes to think all saints will die happy or joyful. We tend to teach joy as a gurantee of salvation if only we exercise faith. Judge not by feeble means. Joy is a gift. Faith is a gift.

We never in any sense sees that the Father deems fit those who will take joy in God and those who take sorrow.

God has a purpose for everything. Love even those who are sorrowful. Love conquers a multitude of sin. Love lifts the love of God.

Let each man be persuaded in their own heart with love. If joy will not come, let not our judgment come in comdemnation. John Newton spent years with William Cowper.

He now spends eternity with God.

Joy comes in a season. Joy might no come. But in seasons to come, it will be there.

God, plead for this gift. Joy and Faith. Scriptures say these are gifts. So I plead O thou will give. Increase if not do not take it away.

Help me to love others as you have love. Let not the darkness in my heart this day brings someone to darkness but lead them to see the light.

I hope for one thing. And pray for one thing. While each of us struggle along lives difficulties, let not be in feeble way declaring God is upholding you in substance while you know you are not delivered. Let your heart declared your failings and seek more an earnest gaze on God.

Delieverance is a gift from God. While the time is not up, trust God that it is not up. Wait and go about your Father's business. But let not your soul lie to say I delight in God.

The soul that is honest wtih God is at peace with Him.

And with men.

Many saints understand not this, and hold on to a profession.

The saints who understand rejoice in hope. William Cowper, I believe had such moments even He died a miserable man.

Troubled

It weighs so heavy to think.

But it seems also so inviting. To pray that is.

The campus ministry is growing. But the weight of knowing that and being glad are 2 different things.
There are concerns welling in.

Was thinkiing of listing down. But will put all these into prayers. If you read this and do want to pray, pray for God's protection, direction and foundation.

Look at the bible and laying down in my heart the distinctives campus ministry must take. I guess I am very influenced by the preaching of John MacArthur, Phil Johnson and John Piper.

Some thoughts that was consolidated years back and finally coming back to remind never to abandon the sure foundation of the church. The sure honoring of the Lord. The Word be faithful to guide them for one reason - to know the LORD.

There are need of workers. Many. Not sure to approach anyone yet. Hopefully do. But must seek wisdom from the Lord.

The journey do seems longer now. Harder than before.

Stress mounting on all side. Work and studies.

Where coemth thy fountain?

Only for the Lord to remind, drink forth my fountain of grace.

I know I am struggling within. There is nothing to hide. Except to know that I hide behind the cross in the midst of all this.

Thank God the X'mas songs are almost done..almost the last lap.
Now for my exams, immediate.

Sola fide.

Library

Another test next week. Another time of study.

This week been hectic. Beside research, had tutorial as usual. But what was inconvenient is that my pc is infected with a virus and the fan broke down.

Repaired the fan by sending to Sim Lim and remove the virus by formating the hard-disk. Much better now the PC but to prevent any further hipcups with my work, I got a laptop.

So I am typing my first blog entry using this new IBM laptop. Haha.

But the end of the year is fast approaching. Some things still haven't change. I felt that the x'mas songs I wrote this year are very melanchonic. Perhaps it reflect the mood I have.

But I trust that these songs were inspired by God. They sounded good. Somehow, I look at people who will useful for God didn't really have a life that is pleasant.

This period of time, they are so many issues that have cropped up. Stress, you name it, it comes hard and furry. But these past few months, it also mean there were more prayers uttered than I can remembered.

The goodness of God prevails.

The quiet desire remains.

One day all shall be revealed and it seems fast approaching. Will I say it all before the close of the year. Maybe I dun have a chance to say it.

Well, Blessed X'MAS :)

Early Morning Thoughts

Early morning, means late nights. Mugging before my computer. No empathy from the computer screen.

Taking a short break. 1 hr of solid revision..but hardly retention. Studying developmental biology for tomorrow and just finish reading muscle formation. Moving on to bone formation. Haha. So much to remember. Old man liao..hard to retain...

Yesterday was very interesting. Got fine for parking with insufficient parking coupon. If only I left early. I wish I did.

Nevertheless I did send a friend home later. Talked about teaching profession. Well, glad people all around grew after being exposed to working life. Reality I know must be learnt. Can't even relate. I found my friend mature tremendously having taught for three years. She has indeed learn more from experiencing than chatting.

I learn it as well.

So much to learn in life. Better to learn life by living than to read books.

I hope things still end well. This year is going to end. I really hope it will end well. I hope to complete some things this year so that I have no regrets.

Hopeful my invitation gets accepted.

Well, a penny for thought. Sorry I am Singaporean. Should be a coin for thought.

The Greatest Love

The more I listen to this song that was written for the christmas musical, the more thankful I felt. The more elation I felt for being a follower of Christ.

I couldn't thank God enough for this song.

This morning devotion have been exceptional. When I came to this verse in Jeremiah 15:8, "O the Hope of Israel, his Savior in time of trouble, Why should You be like a stranger in the land, And like a traveler who turns aside to tarry for a night?"

The persistant sinning of Israel and the Hope of Israel. What a constrast. What an irony. A citizen of grace, yet living not under grace. A resident of hope, not living in hope. A christian but not a follower of Christ. What are we saved unto? Christian, each and every one. Christian one and all. What a start reminder of Christ sacrifice. Isn't it one of the greatest love and of the greatest sacrifice? And so why do we have to live as paupers of faith? It is the celebration of life to know and live the life of Christ? Or this lament would be true of you from God.

I am thankful for the song, "the Greatest love."

I heard one sermon yesterday. It was someone saying this, "Do you believe that God has a plan and purpose for your life? Do you think God has a purpose for Moses, for David, for Solomon, for Joseph, for Joshua? And Do you think God has a plan and purpose for your life?" The preacher went on to say, the compelling answer seems to be yes. But there is something wrong to the approach. There could be one Moses. Too many Moses won't do good. The man-exalting approach is to compel the idea of God exceling usefulness of man, His utmost desire of His must purpose and must good in your life. That is true. But to elevate the characters of the bible as you is not exactly correct. Think about Uriah, the valiant and loyal soldier of David, who was killed in battle. He was a faithful soldier, loyal to David. But David took his wife, Bathsheba. So what make of Uriah. If Uriah was listed among those great men? Who you have said yes? Who you have said yes if right now you are striken with cancer? If right now, you are straddled with difficulties of life. Answer NO...

So the point is not to think of a grand picture of you being the centre of God's purposes. But God's. You will never understand Romans 8:28 until you see the key verse, "to those who love Him" then all things work for good. We never understood this. The love for God conquers everything in life. David was a man after God's own heart. God loves the man who loves Him. Everything in life would be good when we love God. This verse only comes to true light when we see that everyhting is good and purposeful because we embrace God in Him as the Highest, a being that the universe can't contain. We embrace everything of Him. His will, His purposes, His orchestra of world and life events. Having embraced God secures a eternity with Him Is that the greatest? If that is, that embrace is good? Every purpose in life is good? That motivation in life brings a man in a right relationship with God, gives the right motivation, gives the right mind about serving God. Goodness of purposes doesn't exalt man. It should exalt God. Praising God. Desiring the good of God not of self. The blessing of God should be our knowledge of His abiding presence.

It is like when a sinner sin, his deepest regret and remorse is towards God but his greatest desire is also restoration. His greatest desire is to get close to God again. His desire would not be his own. Not the circumstances, not the consequences but God alone. If there isn't, it isn't true repentence. Every utmost desire is God. His heart must be a desire to return to God.

Thats remove the idea of Christian is me and self. Lets seek God and His kingdom first. Life is a celebration when we see that.

Pray that God takes away our selfish heart. And delight in Him in every circumstances. That is th real celebration of life. May God alone be glorified and the blessing be ours in the gift of joy He brings when we celebrate His glory.

Gloria sola gratia. Lets not be naive about our Christian faith but simple in our experience with God. He is the greatest of His love and our love.

Sunflower

Dear Sunflower,



You stood tall.
You stood very tall.
You flower under the sun.
You are called a sun flower.

You stood strong.
You stood very strong.
You flourish under the sun.
You are called a sun flower.

You are beautiful.
You are very beautiful.
You are best under the sun.
You are called a sun flower.

And it is a protrait of someone I know :)
Wish you have sunshine filled days ahead..

Cai Hong Tian Tang

Perhaps this is one of the more recent song that I really like.
Am in the lab doing this blog. My office laptop does not have chinese characters.
So can't write chinese characters.

The lab is quiet except this song being played on you tube.
Very nice song.

Every good love song leave a emotional, sentimental and sensual feeling after that.

Thus I liked this song very much.

Still considered that I am not up to par. This is a very nice song. Dun think I have wrote any yet. Recently came up with a tune, very nice too, I feel but decided not to pen down any words. Too time consuming and with some nostalgic thoughts still left, better not..haha

3 more songs for the x'mas musical. Initially thought left only one... But then again, dun think the recent song that I wrote really is up to it. Suppose to be a prayer song, dun think I capture the feeling of the play for that scene. Hmm...How? Am praying. Time is running short. Though I have completed 7 songs for this praryer..haha..stupid right?! so many prayer songs but none I felt is quite the mark. This afternoon I wrote one more. Sounds not too bad. Praying God for divine inspiration but how come still haven't??

2 more songs to write. One with lyrics already, the other with 2 tunes but no lyrics. Listen to 881 again and again....trying to understand the hokkien song writing style. Interesting. Hokkien songs have this fast beat usually and very colourful words.

My friend said this to me before and I agreed. Got to be "crazy" to do things well. While I was learning to play guitar, I played day and night, practise day and night till I became quite proficient. Now listening hokkien songs only now and then...haha, no wonder lagging a bit.

Trying to get that tune, that describe a gangster. Hmm how...??

I will pen just one last thought. Recently been thinking much about life. Again the purpose of life cropped up. I can't say I enjoyed my job very much. There is something that has changed I think. But I am under alot of stress at work. I hope this thought is not an escaping thought. It is an old thought. A thought of 10 years.

If it would come to past. I hope it would. By the grace of God, if it would, it would. This flesh is too weak to succeed.

The purpose of life must be fulfilled. Whatever God called us to be in whatever, we must live it up for Him. I find it most sad that if at the end of life, you still feel dis-satisfied with the life you had, and it is a waste. Then it is a waste. And there is no rewind.

I must take courage in God to make right decisions for Him.

This is my prayer.
And I take delight, God has heard.
Am waiting.

And one last thing, I am really touched by Campus people. Thanks for the GREAT card they gave. Sometimes I do realise that God used things to show that the people of God shows His love in measures that touches. Paul said that God used people to encourage him as well.

This is really the season of need and God knew it well. Thank you guys. Thank God :)

Finally

Never able to write a hymn!!! Finally Finally. Thank God.

Dunno whether to use this for musical. A friend said - no hymn used for musical lah...so unsure whether to use. Nice tune I find. Like it quite a bit. Thank God that finally a hymn...haha.

Life is going tougher. Project still not making good headway. Life is stifling as far as studies and work is concerned. But glad the bountiful and abounding goodness of God is keeping me hopeful and joyful.

Keep looking to Him, He seems to tell me.

Thank God for this hymn :)

Let me know Thy faithfulness

I ask not for riches
Nor for any earthly treasures
I seek not for pleasures
Nor for fame throughout this life
I ask from Thee a faithful heart
Willing to follow Thee
With every thought and action

Be first Thy Kingdom come


Chorus


Grant in me, a steadfast trust in Thee
Lead me always to know Thy faithfulness
Grant in me, an only trust in Thee

Lead me to know Thy faithfulness


*I see Your faithfulness (ending chorus)

Give me a resolving heart
Every trial I’ll pass the test
Deliver me a joyful song
This world can never bring
In each and every step of faith
Thy grace I would see
Delight Thee my every choice
Turn each doubt I will face

Let me see every seeking heart
That Thou had drawn them in
With Thy compassion to
Show them the path to take
Guide every wayward soul
To see the way, the truth, the life
Bring every chosen one
Through Jesus Christ your son

The pilgrim's progress

“ If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, Then how can you contend with horses? And if in the land of peace,In which you trusted, they wearied you, Then how will you do in the floodplain[a] of the Jordan? Jeremiah 12:5

Read this for morning devotion. Had been in the book of Jeremiah for very long. I never quite gone through this book with intent. Still unable to comprehend fully.

But this verse comes from the mouth of God, a stark rebuke to Jeremiah question and plead for God to send judgement to wickedness, and life seems so unfair that the wicked are prospering.

As I meditate over this passage. A few thoughts came over. Jeremiah did not ask this out of jealousy but out of frustration.

He called for judgement on his own people. The ways of a man who love God does not delight in wickedness, whether within or with-out. Jeremiah perceived by sight not faith. God answered that His statues are sure. The wickedness would be punished, eventually.

The heart of Jeremiah is one of intense weariness. God direct his thoughts towards his situation. Unfair it seems. Weary it seems. And it is. But God relents not to tell him, he will suffer more. He will see more. More trials shall enter his life.

His everyday struggle with what seemingly unfairness in the light of wickedness prospering is not the delight of his soul. He will suffer even more hardship.

A life of sight will weary you intensely. Neither would it go away, even you have a life of faith.

But the life of faith accepts the words in Jer 12:5.

And it drives us to be weary.

Weariness in God desires a more needy faith.

And a more assuring promise.

It produces a need for endurance. Hence the words from God says,“ If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, hen how can you contend with horses?
And if in the land of peace, In which you trusted, they wearied you,Then how will you do in the floodplain[a] of the Jordan?"

God tells Jeremiah - Endure and be assured in God. You need more in the days to come. And I will give more things that you have need to endure.

Faith will grow when you endure.

That is the progress of the pilgram. A life separated to thrust God alone.

O wearied Christian. Where lies your rest?

I pray for myself this morning. Come to the sure fountain of God. Wearied and wounded but never cast down nor cast out.

A rest so precious that you want it more. Progress as a pilgram. Progress in this gift of faith.

Christianity

It has been several months since I heard John Piper.

Reality really sank in today.

Thank God.

The blazing centre contain so much truth about God. About life. About suffering. About living your life for God.

Christianity is never the absence of something that we feel blessed. Does the absence of cancer, absence of loss of a love one, or absence of money....makes us feel blessed. Contrary.

We feel blessed with the presence of things...often outside of God.

A dear friend told me something today. Awoke myself to the harshness of life. Suffering doesn't seem distant.

It is near. It is real.

Who is God? What is life?

Reinforce one thing. We live one life. Whether we suffer, whether we live. Who is God?

I realise this..FAITH. FAITH in GOD. FAITH conquers the valleys of life. God is good. Do you believe it. GOD is good all the time. Do you believe that?

This life have too much pain and heartache. Every happening of happiness lies in an happening...And we should enjoy it. If you win a prize, if you passed your exams..these are joyous thing. We should not guise our joy. Joy is natural.

But above that, when the test of life comes and remove that joy of happiness, where lies our being?

The hope of God concludes everything in life. Only God sustains and the true giver of real joy.

Everything is a veneer and falls away.

God abides. He has no time, no end, He is the alpha and the omega.

Living for God makes every sense, derives every joy, gives every hope.

Christianity. Isn't it living for Christ alone? Isn't it the sole satisfaction of your life. Does it need suffering to tell you that? Then let suffering come.

Our lives are too polluted. Too clouded. God, take away the veils of our life. You glory is when I am satisfied in you the most.

Thank you God. Thank you for revealing yourself again.

God you are good.
You are very good.

Thank you so much!!!

Quiet Place

All alone in the laboratory.

Perhaps a good time to think of writing the christmas song.
But no mood, no feeling. Haha

Still a lot to think about and stress about I suppose.
This blog is turning out to be an outlet of what I am thinking.

But thankful. Strange how God works.

There is much to ponder.

Experiments still not going smoothly. Campus seems to be growing.
Souls are saved. People having desire to live for God.

I can't thank God enough.

Paul had a thorn in the flesh so that it buffet him from being proud.
I am not Paul.

But can't help that these circumstances are refraining me from being proud. Thank God for that.

My longtime desire is still not fulfil. I wish it could be but no.

Still waiting on the Lord for deliverance but moving more towards a passive waiting, I guess. Still praying.

God will answer. The heart of a king is His hands and He moves it like a river. Can't remember where this verse came exactly. May not be word perfect but it should come from Proverbs.

Above all, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Wise men are all God-fearing men.

Haha..What a great day and night!

Memorable 31!!!

Thoughts

God is very good.

I have been stressed very recently. Very stressed.

Lamented a fair bit about it. Till someone told me this.
If life is free of troubles, where cometh thou humility and grace?
Do you choose humility over pride?
Do you choose grace over self-sufficiency?

I answer in my heart, I choose God.

And God is full of grace.

And so I choose trouble.

And I found joy.

Thank you God for 31 years.
Thank you God for more years (eternity) of walking with you.

Christmas Musical

Here I am at 1:54am in my office...just wrote down some notes to do my experiment in a while.

No choice, everything in the lab is being used during office hours. Hope this night, the tiredness will not get to me. Everything will be added correctly.

Listening to "Here to Worship in the Laboratory" - I mean the song "Here to Worship" and thinking about the X'mas musical. 3 more songs to complete..stress :P But trusting God will bring the words and the tune...Very needful..Haha..God will...please...X'mas is coming....Celebrating our Lord Jesus birth.. :) Waiting for the musical to begin..and seeing the Joy of the World being proclaim...Praise Him Praise Him, Jesus our redeemer.

Today, had supper with my dear friend. Celebrating my 31st birthday in a isolated kopitiam in Sembawang, drinking frog leg soup...delicious..haha

Talked about Christian growth..and many other things. Realised this while driving back to the laboratory. God has moulded my Christian Nature to be more coronory than adrenalin driven. As I looked around, I see many Christians losing their sudden zeal, it seems life has gripped away. I see people who started working and soon after begin to be afflicted much. I was like that. I am still am but I realised one thing, God has worked in my heart and turned it coronory.

What I mean is this. I used to serve out of pure zeal, hitting and banging. A fervancy like tomorrow would not come. But I didn't guard my heart. I got burnt out. I am more interested in serving like a.ka. Martha and not Mary who would rather guard her heart and spend time with the Lord in devotion. I forgot to love my Lord by adoring Him and devoting time with Him. I must first have a heart that love him. Paul says even if I offer my body to be burnt and have not love, I am nothing. What a incredible sacrifice - to burn your body yet it profits nobody because you have not love. Christ said we love because He first love. What a imperative need that we must first love the Lord before we serve. Be careful dear Christian brothers and sister, know the flow of every drop of blood is from the heart. Serve God with a coronory heart..one that beats because of the love of Christ. Adrenalin will push you but it can't sustain you.

May God help us!

Time to enter the laboratory again :p

Goodnitez everyone who is zzzz

Tsunami

Going to be 2 years already since I witnessed the devastation of the Tsunami at Phuket and Khao Lak Thailand.

Remember the tragedy and left with me many thoughts and resolution.

I must remember these valuable lessons..and lesions..lesions in my mind that is.

Some resolutions I made still unfulfilled. God, let me have a weeping heart. The business of everyday has not allowed me to be still for even a while.

Meditating these 2 years...hmm it is time I will plan what I want to do next. Praying..I hope I pray more earnestly for this plan. God willing.

2 more years to go before my bond is up.

Life is so transient. Yet I don't think I had spend it all. John Piper told me these words "Dun waste your life. You got only one life. Risk it for God's sake. Only what is eternal counts. Dun exchange it for more mudane in life only. Do something radically different. Do it for God and that lasts. Remember, only that lasts. Dun waste your life. Dun at the end of your life tell God, look at my seashells...Love God...it begins now."

Lord help me. Only you alone has the glory to satisfy this soul.

Late up in the lab again..:p

Unspoken Words

As a chapter of my life comes to an end. Perhaps it has not. But I have deemed it as such.

Unspoken words remain best unspoken.

The hardest and sadest part of life is irreconciliation.

How I wish life is much simplier and people do not need to second guess one another.

Reality don't often sink in to people. Including myself.

Even to be friends, it is sometimes so hard just to express a little bit more.

Coz in human relationship, it is like a sprouting volcano...the underlying pressure soon will spew a giant eruption.

Alas, it is a regret.

The simpler way is to pray. And unspoken words remain unspoken. Except those in prayer..and the ones that are silent.

Sleep time. Day has ended.

O experiment please work tomorrow. :p

Amazing Grace

Thank God today for a great small group.
Thank God for the great venue.
Thank God for great bible study.
Thank God for great sharing.

Couldn't thank you enough :)

Thank God for You.

Thank God for restoration. Thank God for grace tonight.

Thank you so much. I love you LORD.

不再犹豫

不再犹豫

无聊望见了犹豫
达到理想不太易
即使有信心斗志却抑止

谁人定我去或留
定我心中的宇宙
只想靠两手向理想挥手

问句天几高心中志比天更高
自信打不死的心态活到老

Woo ... 我有我心底故事
亲手写上每段得失乐与悲与梦儿
Woo ... 纵有创伤不退避
梦想有日达成找到心底梦想的世界 终可见

谁人没试过犹豫
达到理想不太易
即使有信心斗志却抑止
谁人定我去或留

定我心中的宇宙
只想靠两手向理想挥手
问句天几高心中志比天更高
自信打不死的心态活到老

Woo ... 我有我心底故事
亲手写上每段得失乐与悲与梦儿
Woo ... 纵有创伤不退避
梦想有日达成找到心底梦想的世界
终可见

Woo ... 亲手写上每段得失
乐与悲与梦儿
Woo ... 梦想有日达成
找到心底梦想的世界 终可见

My favourite band group when I was a teenager - Beyond. I love this song very much till today! It is pity that the lead singer is no longer around and the band group has since disbanded but listening to this song is pretty motivating.

My good friend loves this band group as well. When I was learning the guitar, he was one of my teacher, he will play one of Beyond's song and sing with his melanchonic but soulful voice..haha not bad :)

The lyrics for this song is the best! The other one I like is Amani. Now that I know how to play the guitar..I enjoy strumming this song as well.

Meaningful words ..and singing along..it is etched.. :)

Going to sleep soon..been a day.

A bit sad today. A story to be told on MSN...or should I say something to be perceieved.

Things have changed.. it has. Sad. Same old story. Well time to sleep and not to think.

Good night. zzz...

Heartbeat

Thank God for a great morning devotion.

Stayed in my office till 4am last night. Almost think it is crazy.

But thank God that I managed still to drive home safely.

This morning woke at 10am. And heard the song, "Lord, I ask from Thee"
This words struck me are "All the riches I found will be the treasures that I find in Thee"

Nostalgic words. Coz so many things have happened in 31 years of my life. How the endless and mindless pursuits of so many things in life when it was for my own grandisment or desires, God had taken mind and thwarted so many of them. Some are legitamate that is, they are not scripturally wrong yet God did not allow it to come to pass.

Thankfully today, I stand not resentful but joy.

Behind a frowning providence, hides a smiling face.

Today, I have began to see the value of some events that have unfolded. From my very own salvation, to the sanctification of the heart, I thank God.

I still have things that besets me. One of which is the affairs of the heart. But God is good. He has given me much resilence because of unfilfilled hope. And also awakening foolishness.

Recently I went up to Malaysia. A pastor was sharing his life story about his marriage. He said this, "Because I have committed this to the Lord, I have no need to fret who God has chosen." He sought the Lord.

He married at 32 after 5 years of dating. Interestingly.

It is a wonderful union today as I see both husband and wife. Both sought the Lord evidently. They have very godly children, one in her twenties, the other a teenager.

It is great to trust in God in this. Today I prayed concerning this. Let me seek a person who sought in you first. That rest my heart.

All of life, God wants us to seek Him first. My thoughts have often strayed. In many aspects. He has firmed it to be in Him. Thank you, LORD.

In my job, in my friends, in my family...the LORD has been always calling me to trust in Him and in Him alone. I can't trust anything else.

I thank God for a new open door to reach out to the campus students. It is an earnest plead that God would bless this work. If it is for His glory, His glory will abide.

Let me take great delight to live and affirm a life for You.

You have the masterplan, LORD.

Thank you for again a symphony of great chords and melody. And life would take you as our CONDUCTOR! :)

All of Life

Listening to Selah, "You raise me up" is such an encouragement.
Penned something this morning after doing my devotion reading from Chapter 1 from 1 Kings.

Life has 2 emotions..largely. Grief and Happiness. Everything is in between.

Did realise something really disappointing. Everything in life is nothing new.
Previous encounters have taught me well. Thank God for life's richer experience.

Wish I could tell that to her. But I can't. But at least I can be more assured that I know how to settle in my own heart.

There is so much naivity in her. I have to just keep praying for her.

Life is so much simplier nowadays seeing God sovereignty as His utmost. Christ is incomparable. I hope really I would live more for God, find my emotions more in God than anything else.

Santify my heart, God that I might live more blazing and centred life in You. How much vanity have I pursue without a knowledge I was pursuing for myself and not You.

William Tynalde and so many of great Christians labourers have only one ambition, that they count nothing of their own, but gave everything for the cause of Christ.

I do realise many of my prayers, even my songs, even my thoughts are pure sentimentalism towards God.

But God have shown I believe a greater awareness of Him. The greater picture of His workings, His sovereignty, His providence..in many confounding ways yet I do not understand.

But seemingly, it doesn't seem matter more and more as the days go by.

Somehow, my heart seems to be more settled in the knowledge that He knows all, He knows best.

Doesn't matter there are much afflictions even to me. I am not the centre of the universe.

I delight in God. I delight in life simplier things. There is still much ugliness in life, including myself.

But it makes God more delightful..doesn't it.

I hope to see the symphony of God, the orchestra He is doing.

The Pslamist have a solid Hope in God, in Who He is...a deep anchor, a deep trust..it is not in their circumstances. it is not sentimentalism, it is a vindication of God's ownself.

God's honour raises above all else. If my heartbeat realised that...I would be most blessed because to know satisfaction in Him, what more will delight my soul?!

The hymnist of old have caught this vision. In their valley depth, they grasp the fuller grandeur of the mightier picture of God.

I hope I don't just write this for the sake of writing a literature.

I am praying that God who renews this mind prepares the coming days that I would finally take the step that to do what my heart really longs to do.

Till that day, God help me to love you and your Glory.

Sola Gloria Exclesior...

David, Your witness at the end of his life says this concerning You, "As the LORD lives, who has redeemed my life from every distress." (1 Kings 1:29) The redeemed life. Whatmore do I yearn for? My Lord and My God. Thank you for the greatest comfort of all.

Amen

Happier

Happier to see someone else happier.

We are worlds apart.

Better to leave her alone.

Happier to see someone else happier.

Sunset

Was at Kent Ridge Hill Park earlier today. Simply gorgeous sunset. God is good.

Finally settled something long in my heart. Did what I can do. There is no reason to be anxious.

And it is time to move on. Best wishes to you! Heartful expression finally out. Phew...Dun need to say anything.

Another tune again...but unlikely I will complete the lyrics. A tune always come when I am affected emotionally. Haha. Good still responding my heart.

Today so careless..delete an SMS that came without reading. Dun even know who sent!?

Anyhow, life goes on. Thank God that there are more and more people to pray for and more and more work to do with Him. God is good. I am satisfied.

Just remember a movie I watched sometime again. Called stranger than fiction. Very telling storyline. Life is like a BIG THEATRE. There is a great underlying message in that show. Not in cinema but think you can get the DVD somehow. I watched on the plane to US before :)

放弃

放弃

D A
今夜我望着你　
Bm Fm
你眼神似乎在闪躲
G D
是不是你正在躲避
G A
还是我　在有多意

D A
我好想能　
Bm Fm
走进你的面前
G D
可是有点不知所措
G A
我明白　是为了什么

Bm A
我在式着去忘掉
G D
这一切过去的遗憾
G D
你的名字我好想能抛开
G　　　　　　A　D
因为不知不觉已经爱上了你

Bm A
朋友之间我最珍惜
G D
就像是一杯香红老酒
Em Bm
流失了会感到哀痛可惜
G A 　　 D
所以最终我还是选择了放弃

Met her tonight. Didn't get a chance to talk. Just one liner. Had a tune and some thoughts. So just pen down. Think the lyrics are lousy. But as direct as I think. May change the lyrics though but as the way it is.

That is the way things will be. 放弃....

心怀之站

Thought I will stop writing songs to describe my emotions but couldn't help it....wrote 3 songs recently. Didn't have the courage to tell you. Tried but still couldn't. I thought writing these will somehow awake me to do it.

Perhaps I will post the mp3 file up one day.

It is best the heartache ends. No point. 2 and a half years ago...and now. Overcoming the past has been difficult. Don't need to say anything. I can perceive and understand. Don't see it possible. Haha. My own wishful thinking.

Best Wishes to you. 我决定放弃。只做朋友吧。不想再一次心痛。It has been a great diary of songs and rememberance. I like the tune and the song. Thanks for the inspiration.

Preaparing for tests

2 tests back to back. Quite a challenge. Relaxing and updating blog. Not much of an update. Just realise so much harder to study when you are older. 80% done with what I need to study. A few hours before sleeping time so better carry on... Haha...

Thankful to be still alive ;p

Cause for Living

Life is full of winding turns. Thoughts are also full of winding turns. Thank God, He always tell me He is the anchor.

4 years ago, I had a minor depression of life. I think. A year ago, I fell into a similar situation.

Thinking doesn't always help. But trusting God always did.

What makes a person on the brink of death have a great will to live while a person with the youth of life, decides to take his life? I believe the answer is HOPE.

A person devoid of hope falls into depression. A person empty of hope commits suicide.

Hope is this life can disappoint. Hope in God never do. It is the same with love. God's love however is eternal.

I also realise the love for people and being loved by people always encourages. Where love abides, hope abides.

Christianity without genuine love distants a person from wanting to seek hope in God.

May we learn to hope in Christ and love in Christ that others may know the reality of the LOVE of God and Hope in Him.

Growing Up

Endurance is a virtue. So is preserverance. However physical endurance is way easier. The pictures I hope tell a thousand words. These are pictures again of Mount Kinabalu. I was making my way up to the summit after leaving the base camp lodge at 3am. At around 7am, I finally reach the summit. It took at total 11 hours of climbing to reach the summit. I was never physically tested this way. This could be most likely my only physical strain I ever going to encounter. The reward is sure great. Look at the view. Awesome.

I remember how horrible feeling I had. Legs almost numb. Lungs almost screeching to a complete surrender and screaming,"Will you stop to rest!!! You are killing me!!!" Battling the body and mind, subjecting itself to complete subdue, the summit view says, "It all worth it"

That trip made me think that in other areas of my life, I must seek to endure. Though some things I have been waiting for 10 over years, I know at the end, it promises a greater reward than even the summit view. I saw the "world" in a sense on the top of Mt Kinabaulu, but really I am hoping I will see the world through another person. I wonder whether you know what I mean.

Love overcomes the World. Thank God for His perfect love and peace that endureth. Many rest-stops are needed but when I finally stand on the summit, I may really say "Thank you, Lord"

Song

Two and half years ago, I started writing my first song..it is titled "早晨的阳光" It is a song of that I wrote in Phuket Thailand. A song which I liked tremendously. A song which I wrote for someone who I loved once. Silly me.

2 months later, I wrote another song called "小熊的祝福" followed by another song "星星的约会" a month later. These are my earlier songs. Subsequently I keep writing songs regularly to pen down my thoughts and emotions. I feel that only songs could help me remember the feelings that go along when I meet an event in life. Since I pen more than 20 songs, I think, some unfinished.

I keep thinking about how life should be. I am still. I believe by being single, it drives the mind to think, to seek explanation and fulfilment. It makes you observe and trying to explain life. I believe I understood a lot now. But I also realised that having love is the true and joyful fulfilment in life. Knowledge wearies the soul but love lifts the soul. The absence of love is the absence of real joy. Someone said to me that "You are one in this world, but when you love, she is the world to you." Lonliness and love, what a world apart.

That is why I stopped writing song a 3 months back. I tried writing one after something really heartbreaking happened. I got the tune but the words remain elusive. Therefore I stopped, resolved perhaps not to write again. Coz the pain was too real, too painful for me to desire memory anymore.

I have stopped playing the songs I wrote in time past. Especially the first song, memory is too painful.

Recently I believe I come across someone special. But the past have gripped me so badly that I really don't dare to do anything more or say anything more. Past fear gives present fear. I lost courage. I have abidding fear. Today I finally wrote a song after a sleepless night thinking through about the past and the present. Perhaps I fear I will fail again.

I thought of posting this song up but stopped short of doing that. I don't dare to say a word. I fear it is not mutual. I fear it is just wishful thinking. I rather hide in cowardice because past pain is so real, I don't desire the same feeling again. It is a terrible pain.

But at least, I realise because I have opened my heart to this person, I know I have in a way detached myself from the past. I wished well for this friend. But will I ever say a word to her. I am not sure. It is unlikely. Perhaps I will keep this song. Forever? It is possible. This song is not about her but more about myself. My inner thoughts. Describing fear, lack of courage and disappointment.

Perhaps I need her to tell me instead. I don't sense there is anything more except friendship. I guess I must learn to be contented for now. Perhaps this song, this new song will remind me to learn to be bold, to be courageous again. Until that day, this song will be with me. And like the morning sun, I post, like the first song I wrote, I prayed that I am able to see every morning, a new hope, and perhaps one morning I will learn courage again and find true love.

The picture was taken from the top of Mt Kinabalu. I conquered this mountain almost a year ago Hopefully I will conquer my fear one day. The sun sure beckons hope. I prayed then that God is great and good that day. I know He will lead me to find that courage and hope in Him. May I find true love in this life as well!

Experiment

Again another night in the laboratory, doing work...trying to do another experiment..and another late night...kind of use to it and kinda of not..but the neat part is..I am going home to rest finally...

Some thoughts

Journey of life did not begin today but 30 years ago....just posting my first blog line here. Life can present new things but all passage of life, someone must have walked before. History ALWAYs repeat itself....There is nothing new under the sun...