Nearer and Stiller

The awakening soul. The soul that has gone hungry will go on being filled.

When I read of John Piper sharing of his church member, Irene Peterson, a 100 year old lady who on her 100th birthday says these poetic words,

Trust Him when dark days assail thee,
Trust Him when your faith is small,
Trust Him when to only trust Him,
Is the hardest thing of all.

I was held in a grace ransom. A ransom not paid by me. Not even a penny. A ransom God paid on the cross.

Nearer and stiller. When I wonder at the cross that stood on Calvary is God. A God who willing hang on the cross, perhaps I never sat under that Cross and wonder why God would want us to love Him as Irene Peterson said, is the hardest thing of all like in the trust of God, I have not understood the magnitude of God's love.

Divine love. The holiness of God has placed His goodness as awe. I look at Micah 7:18-20 which reads

18 Who is a God like You, Pardoning iniquity And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, Because He delights in mercy. 19 He will again have compassion on us, And will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our[g] sins Into the depths of the sea. 20 You will give truth to Jacob And mercy to Abraham, Which You have sworn to our fathers from days of old.

And then I remember John Piper sharing of the faithfulness of his longest living church member, I see a testimony of God's covenantal faithfulness.

I have not dwell deep into God's grace yet. I have not dwell deep in the pillow of God's grace yet. My eyes are so weak. My love for God is so weak.

Nearer and stiller my soul needs to walk. Nearer and stiller, my heart must sing. The goodness of my God is abundant in mercy, oh His pardoning grace, His delight in mercy and not anger, His willingness to give compassion..oh how I wish I could write Him a song on this, that my heart may keep on rejoicing in Him till the end of my life that I will sing of His mercies.

There is a glory of God I have not seen but I want to see.

My God, You are a beautiful Saviour. Jesus, the morning flower that blooms forever. Stay my heart in worship, I have been rude to God's love. Help me never to be.

Who Moves?

I know I can't move God
But if I say this, God move me to move Him.

So is this true?
I believe it is. Coz God's will is perfect and is right. Nothing outside of Him move His Will which is formed out of His own good purpose and will.

God is eternally satisfying and fulfilling in of His own existence.

I realise that I can't never, in this life and in a sense in the life to come never fanthom the ways of God. His ways will always be past finding out. Yet in Psalm 103, God says to Moses He want His ways to be found out by His children.

It is just so settling to read these words. God wants His ways to be made known to His children. He doesn't want us to be in darkness but rather in His marvellous light. He has given us everything pertaining to life and godliness.

This week has been severely disappointing. But as God has spoken and He still speaks, I believe He has a plan and purpose for all these. If His ways is to be made know, I must and believe He will let me know His ways clearly as my mind and heart can understand. His way is perfect.

Prayer has never been richer this week and never longer this week. Because a desire to know the mind of God, reading scriptures has propelled me to ask God to make His ways known deeply and more experientialy.

I may read the words of scriptures but Christ is the Word.

Help me to see You, Lord.

Faith

The biggest reality is GOD who is invisible.

Grace Above

Without difficulties how is it to trust God?

That is the paradox but that is also the truth.

I am glad that after search of the heart and remembering who God is, it is just thankfulness that I can offer God.

Somehow the mystery of how God works is that He works perfectly and sovereignly over all life circumstances. Doesn't matter what comes about. Alas I am so Peter who walked on stormy seas.

But then again, Christ teaches me to look and walk.

And often I like to think also this way, my issues aint big. God let me not be stifled in my love for you, my trust in you. There is a greater harshness and a greater blessing I can experience so that my eyes be fixed on you that I can see and hear You all the days of my life.

Regrets

Felt a weight of regrets today.
Felt life being so real.
Felt the draught of time drafting away so fast.
Felt parched in a desert without end.
Finding an oasis so distant and far.

A war to wage so helpless.
A wave so huge so helpless.
A whimper so soft so weak.
A wager so diffcult so weary.
Anguish and agonising.

I need that rest and I find it nowhere.

Till I told God all this so, He says He knows it all and
the song that says His eye is on the sparrow
breathes in my heart a breadth of renewed hope.

Hope thou in Me for I have yet to praise thee.
David's cries is the beginning of David's hope in God.

He is yet to praise but he knows he will praise Him.

I long for that to come.

Lord, I believe

Today was a very tiring day. The battle rages on every day. And sometimes when you keep doing the same thing every day for the past coming to 7 years, you get a sense of tireness and routineness and boredom.

There is a certain dread, definitely.

I remember reading Ecclesiastes and found the word vanity many many times. Nothing new under the sun.

But Solomon made a remark at the end of his life, he says fear God and keep His commandments For this is man's all. For God will bring every work into judgement. Including every secret thing, Whether good or evil.

John Piper said the same, that we have only one life and only what is done for Christ will last.

Somehow I can't quite find my work in my current job aligned to this. While the work has given the daily manna, and I thank God for that and the blessed priviledge to give, yet in the longing of my heart is something deeper and strangely different.

I still dunno how to put it, but I believe to believe that there must a stronger desire for me to move.

I pray that day may come soon but only in God's timing once I be able to see His Hand and know His Hand.

At the end of life, I hope I would find the satisfying gladness of hearing my Lord say to me "Well, done thou and faithful servent, enter into Thy presence."

That it be gladness and not regret.

心中的一面镜子

喜怒哀乐。

好突然。凌晨四点，从床上奔起。

心中有首曲。就这样花了半个小时，把曲写下，然后录下来，也下了一些歌词。

可是因为太晚了，好困好困，心有力而力不足。

写了那么一点就去睡了。

隔天在下午时，听了一遍，感受曲的感觉。

有悲哀的沉重。有懊丧的心情。

我发现自己不断写的歌，往往偏向忧愁。

小时候一直听王杰的歌。

也许这是“后遗症？”HaHa。 也许不是。

自己的经历也是有悲伤的一面。

也有过失。也有挫折。也有后悔。也有藏在心里，不敢说的话语。

所以，自然的。在写曲时，也变成我心中的一面镜子。