Suicide

Yesterday, I reached home around 640pm from my workplace. I have just collected my car from the workshop. Did some minor repairs to my floor board.

I didn't expect a typically normal day to turn so unusual. The police cars, ambulance had surrounded my block. I saw some grim face policemen. I went up from my lift, and peer below the ground from the stairway when I reached my floor. I regret this decision. Someone had committed suicide by jumping. The sight is terrible. The head must have landed first on impact. I would not describe what I saw. And I do hope that with time, this image greatly diminished.

Today, I read in the Chinese papers, the cause of the suicide was chronic depression. The victim, a 40 something woman who have gone missing for a day. A church member had just asked me a few days ago about what is depression and just a day earlier, Pastor had preached about lostness and how Leslie Cheng had committed suicide the same way.

I wonder hard at how people could commit suicide. I was preparing for bible study for Sunday. I couldn't help but see Christ on the cross that day. Depression is a result of sin. The guilt of sin. The despair of sin. The hopelessness of sin. I was studying Romans Chapter 1 and 2 in preparation. And what really struck me is really the gravity and how debased the human mind can get.

I know that depression is a real thing. I have been sad before. But I guess I never lost hope in God. This morning, I saw joss paper and incense. The night before, the images that flashed through the night didn't allow me to sleep well. I knew the victim is not a Christian.

And this morning when I gave the bible study, I asked, Does anyone of us know how ugly sin is? Does anyone know why Christ must suffer many things that even His death is ugly. Because sin is ugly. I saw it for myself the day before. You know we never quite like to stay and think about the ugliness of sin. Man has no natural desire to see tragic, gruesome, gory things. And I can relate to Paul when he paints adject hopelessness of man, Jew or Gentile, but the reality of it is, sin is ugly. Death is ugly. Jesus wouldn't have wept if it is a beautiful thing.

And I know why we often neglect to declare the sinfulness of sin to the sinner. The gospel of God's love can never be fully grasped till the gallows of sin be told in plain, unminced manner.

I still have the images in me.

I watched the Passion of the Christ sometime back. And I still remember the images of Christ on the cross. But I remember more fondly, the image of the glorified ressurected Christ.

Christ is to be adored. There is beauty in the conquest of sin.

He brought many sons to glory.
He is the firstfruit.

Blessed Easter.